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DISCLAIMER: Please note that any and all references made to fans of the hit series, Glee, being weird, stupid or any other insult attributed, is NOT made as a personal gibe, but an extrapolation of the viewer public, centric in Westernized countries like America. Chances are, if I know you personally, I’m not referring to you when I insult people.
Once upon a time, there was a young, inquisitive man known as Ryan Murphy.
You see, Ryan Murphy was the king of algorithms. As a pre-pubescent, he designed his own algorithm to solving the much-feared, much-dreaded cubic perplexity known to man as the Rubik’s Cube. He had also beat Sergei Bren and Larry Page to the concept of a code, that would enable a search engine to be comprehensive in its search, and find you your desired webpage. He called this site “Glegoo”, which turned out to have been copyrighted by a Russian Child Sex Gang of the same name.
But in the Spring of 2009, his greatest algorithm came to fruition.
You see, with the advent of blockbuster hits such as the High School Musical franchise and teen pop sensations such as the Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus, Mr Murphy realized that you could pass off any cliched, soap-fuelled, allegory-riddled piece of crap that some have the audacity to call “entertainment”, so long as you add a catchy, upbeat feel to it, so that pathetic neanderthals, commonly known as “teenagers”, could live vicariously, in this land of celluloid make-believe.
But you see, Mr Murphy was smart. This was the guy who invented Google after all (as per my interpretation).
He knew this illusion of quality fare, would die out, because apparently, teenagers do grow up soon. And future generations, growing in the advent of intelligent news, would be too well-informed to appreciate Disney Crappy Original Movies (DCOM).
He knew that the fate of unoriginal, song-and-dance escapades, masquerading as deep, intellectual productions lay on his shoulders. He had to somehow infuse a theme of maturity, into this flourishing genre, so that it never sets.
But that would be going diametrically against the philosophy on which these productions were based!
If he were to make a series about songs, weak plot-lines and generic acting would inevitably follow. You got the whole thing as a package you see? But being a FOX-produced primetime show, the need for it to look like it was tailor-made for ALL AGES and not just for adults, was a growing one.
And then one day, it struck him! The plot-lines needn’t get better! The characters could remain as poor caricatures of social cliques that would hardly have existed if it weren’t for the existing imperialism of Western media, that has plagued the world with ITS OWN allegations of cliques!
All you needed…were quality songs!
But Alas! If he were to pen deep, multi-layered lyrics, set to a Thomas Newman class of a score, he would have made it big in Broadway, wouldn’t he?
But what if - just maybe - he could instead use songs that already existed!
AND THE ALGORITHM MASTER STRIKES AGAIN!
This build-up was utilized to make you, the gullible, naive viewer of Glee, realize just how ridiculous your own tastes are. You see, I do not blame Ryan Murphy. That man is a genius! He knows your weakness, and he preys on it, like a Nile Crocodile stalking a gazelle near the river bank.
Glee, in its essence, is a show about a school choir. As per social strata that you’d probably have been aware about since the early nineties of television, they are pariahs in their school. The show is about how they overcome the odds, to win at competitions, to show the world that all you need to be special…is you.
In its embryonic stage, it is already formulaic. However, maybe there’s something to work with, as far as the characters go! Robert Cormier’s The Chocolate War, in its simplicity, is about a boy refusing to sell chocolates at a school fair. By incorporating characters, that either have let many opportunities slip by and are adamant to taking a stand some time in their wretched lives, or figures that are eager to maintain the social norms and expectations of a school, for that is all their life has become associated with, he takes a story that seems like elementary school-material, and transforms it into a work of literature.
But yet, the characters of Glee have conformed to every model of cliche that has been founded, since the time of “Who’s The Boss?”. We have Rachel Berry, the star member who is ostracized
by the popular kids. Finn, the conflicted member of said kids, who finds himself torn between Football and Glee Club (think Troy from High School Musical except…actually there’s no real difference). The rest of the students’ characters is comprised of a wheelchair-bound kid, a gay kid, an obese African-American kid and a Chinese-American kid. This plays right into the general understanding that FOX will do anything to kiss the powdered asses of its viewers, including making diversity not just an integral part of the show, but a flashy, in-your-face kind of visual effect. It’s hard, at times like this, not to associate the network with the Republican Party.
The adults, admittedly, have rather interesting personalities, which I find myself hard-pressed to locate in other shows (though unfortunately, it is not good enough to validate the show’s apparent greatness). Will, the school teacher, while following the norm of being “the only one who believes in them”, has a messed up personal wife, with a pregnant-faking wife, and a colleague who is in love with him though he is married. While this gripped me, it’s complete lack of sense and ethics bugged me greatly (I shall expound on this later)
The codas are centered around this theme of predictability, as well. Whether it’s following your dreams, following your heart or staying true to your friends, it not only reflects the hordes of teenage-centric productions that have preceded this show, but also barely skim the surface of the solution to these various angsts, without providing an insight that would have made it a cut above the rest. You see, no one’s asking that you be 100% original all the time. Family Guy follow the basic formula of The Simpsons. But the reason why I continue to watch it, is because while it is disabled in good animation, consistent plot-lines, or thought-provoking messages, it’s basic comedy value that is expounded in its cut-aways and gags, makes me laugh. I have yet to see Glee, do something different, other than simply, the choices of songs.
Now let’s get to the nitty-gritty, and really, the main reason I despise this show’s existence, and yours, for being its unknowing, creativity-stifling fan.
The show is immoral. I read that back to myself and I know that already makes me sound like a Pat Robertson-esque neocon.
I’m a liberal, in almost all aspects. Sure I think illegal immigrants should be flayed back to Mexico, and abortion is an unholy sin, for no one has the right to end, or stifle a life. But I support homosexuality, gun-control, evolution and many other Liberal agendas. So clearly, I’m not a conservative nutjob when I say the show is immoral. Let me count the ways.
1) The fundamental relationship between Rachel and Finn. Finn has a pregnant girlfriend, who as far as Rachel is concerned, is pregnant with Finn’s baby, and not his best friend’s. Rachel has a huge crush on Finn, and the 2 even share a kiss, before Finn decides this wouldn’t be the right thing to do. Now, before I proceed, I MUST stress that until the fall finale at least, Rachel thinks Finn’s GF is pregnant with Finn’s child! The truth is irrelevant, because it is all about interpretations and intentions at this embryonic stage. But crushes are okay, and you can’t control who you harbour those feelings for. But yet, the writers instill an overtly flirtatious relationship between the 2, playing into the hands of the naive, unknowing teenage viewers, while inadvertently condoning him psychologically cheating on his pregnant girlfriend. What’s worse is that as the show progresses, Rachel tries to get Finn to dump the girlfriend, by making him jealous, seducing him with a new look, or even telling him a suspicion that the child may not be his (once again, this suspicion is made with limited proof, and she agreed that the only reason she did this, was to break them up). While characters are not flawless, and Rachel certainly is not, it saddens me that impressionable adolescent young minds like yours can still love the couple-pairing in this show, when its foundings were based on highly-suspicious principles. Rachel’s feelings and actions, were not at all shaped by the truth that the baby was not Finn’s. As far as she knew, it was, and she was ready to make him abandon his pregnant, teenage girlfriend, and the hard nine months that lay ahead for her, just so that Rachel could satisfy that teenager’s thirst for a hard-earned crush (which, if FOX continues to conform to cliches, should result in marriage at 19). But it’s not the writers at fault here. It’s yours. Because while viewers have claimed that “Finn’s girlfriend is a cheating whore and does not deserve him”, they really delude themselves into believing, that a woman who is willing to break up a relationship, that in her perspective, is watertight judging by their interactions (and not her “gut feelings”), just to satisfy an adolescent fling, is SO right for Finn. Apparently.
2) Kurt. The Gay One. Am I profiling by simply referring to him as The Gay One, and not “The Talented One” or “The Well-Dressed One”? Oh don’t blame me! Blame the writers, for attributing the latter 2 characteristics for homosexuality. I’m an unequivocal advocate for homosexual rights, but at the same time, I’m also concerned that many teenagers nowadays find themselves confused over how their basic characteristics, overlap with their sexual preference. In the course of things, they sometimes make the wrong hypothesis that they too, colloquially put, gay. If someone were really a homosexual, I will support them till the end of the world, but I would not EVER quickly assure them they are gay due to a few effeminate traits. Let’s take me, for example. My voice hasn’t broken, I love gossip, I don’t really like sports, I love not having pimples and I always take my friendships, especially with guys, very seriously. I once quipped to my mother,
Me: Do you think I’m gay?
Mom: Do you want to plough another fella?
Me: God no!
And that was that. It’s as simple. But homosexuality has evolved so greatly (which is good, considering the ostracising of them during the 70s), that love for a person of the same gender, is no longer the defining quality of a gay. The kind of clothes he wears, apparently is. And in Glee, the students assume, due to his flamboyant gestures and his wide variety of the latest fashion, Kurt too is gay. His father, for the reason that Kurt took up dancing at a young age, deduces the same as well. The salt on the wound is when Kurt comes out. Which makes it really sad, because the writers along with FOX are perpetuating a notion, to their young adol-minded viewers, that THESE are the attributes of a gay. Coupled with the fact that apparently homosexuality is an irreversible facet, these teenagers, once hooked on to the wrong idea that they are gay, will hesitate to go back, or listen to reason from people like me. If you can’t understand WHY this is so immoral, on the part of the show, I really can’t do anything for you.
3) Kurt. Again. Following in the steps of Rachel, he too tries to pry Finn away from his lady. You all know, from my first point, why I refuse to accept that kind of behaviour. But he’s the real kicker: he tries to turn Finn gay. And you know what’s downright hilarious about this? People like Seth MacFarlane, frown upon those who try to convert gays to straight-ness (word?). But apparently, when one of them tries to get a straight guy, confused about his sexual preference (every gay knows that this is a painful process to endure, especially during adolescence), it isn’t at all rebuked. Just like how an African-American can say he voted for Obama because he was black; but a McCain supporter dare not utter contextually the same thing about John, lest he wants to be stoned by everyone else. This quality of the show transcends into everyday society, where the atrocities of the minorities, are given a passing glance.
4) Mercedes’ lambasting of Puck for wanting to be involved with Quinn’s pregnancy. This was a one-time event, but this episode made me fully despise the show. So basically, Puck’s the real father of Quinn’s baby. Quinn by the way, is Finn’s girlfriend. When Puck revealed this to Mercedes, she said:
"You need to get something through your mohawk real quick. You’re the baby’s daddy, it takes a helluva lot more to be a father and that role’s already been cast, because Quinn chose Finn. And you need to accept that and move on, because you have no business messing up that girl’s life more than you already have. You need to back off. You owe her at least that much."
Is it powerful? Hell yeah! Does it make sense? Fuck no! So apparently, Puck’s responsible COMPLETELY for burdening Quinn with a child, though it was consensual intercourse. And apparently, since Quinn is the one being pregnant, that makes her PERFECT for being a mom…right? I couldn’t help, with every fibre in my being, despising Mercedes for this statement! Puck and Quinn were equally responsible, and Puck deserved EVERY right, to want to be part of the child’s life. In fact, by backing out of the way, he was doing a commendable act, by letting Quinn be happy. This goes out to everyone out there, who blames the guy for a girl’s pregnancy: it takes too, you illiterate fuck!
And on a side note, isn’t it weird how when 2 underage teens have consensual sex, it is only the guy who gets arrested, even if the girl confesses that this was voluntary? I’m putting this out as a warning: sexism has morphed into feminism, and if the latter starts to bite more off than it could chew, or perpetuate its ideologies in wrong ways, the world may soon revert back to the days of the wife making the dinner.
4) Will and his wife. You’ll notice this paragraph is much shorter, because I completely agree with why Terri’s a bitch for pretending to be pregnant, and why Emma likes Will (because she keeps this under closed wraps, to preserve the marriage). What I don’t like is why people bear this hatred for Terri, for pretending to be pregnant, to preserve a relationship that is sanctified, and not for Quinn, who has lied to her boyfriend about the child being his, plunging him into a state of undeserved anxiety and depression. Perhaps it’s because Quinn’s a kid too, and that they like the pairing of her and Puck. Once again, this vicarious craving for romance in a high school, makes teenagers overlook fundamental defects.
And that ladies, gentlemen, and dumbass fans, is why the show - delicately put - sucks eggs. I’m ending this post the same way I’m going to end all “FuckTV” posts (where I condemn bad shows) :
Fuck TV and Fuck Glee.. Bitch.